Morning Rant Linkedin "Hi Goff we noticed you are a Veeam Professional.... blah blah blah.."


Userlevel 7
Badge +22

Hi Folks,

(

I don’t want to be mean but… sales people can quite seriously perturb me. I don’t know if it is because I assume immediately that they think I am some kind of spaced out idiot, or perhaps that as Don Corleone said “nothing personal just business” i.e. they are mass sending messages using AS (Artificial Stupidity) to change the name etc. 

I am getting more and more of the following on Linkedin like this today  “Hi Goff (so much for AI.. at least it won’t be taking my job in the near future), we noticed that you are a Veeam Professional (what in the name of the Salisbury soccer team is a Veeam Professional?, is that some kind of new certification? have I overdosed on Veeam swag and now been permanently branded a VP (alas not Vice President). 

Then follows the ingenious sales pitch. “you might be interested in…...” The minute I see “you might be” there is macro in my amygdala that furiously injects the word NOT into the sentence. 

I have long since gotten used to everyone in North America being my best phoney friend (hence the familiar use of Hi Geoff, and not Mr. Burke) but now they are also imposing on my intellectual freedom and telling me what I might or might not be interested in. 

I am tempted to answer but my “Professionalism” holds me back: 

“Hi starving sales entity (i.e. I don’t know if you are a person, a bot, a script, an Elon). My last name is Burke and I come from a long list of bad mood potato famine Irish who generally are depressed and pissed off at the world, and that is on a good day. On top of this I am from the pre-cell phone generation, that was back in the days when after 5PM your boss had no chance of finding you unless you were an emergency room doctor. So despite human technological progress I am not a happy camper and am no longer interested in anything other than being lazy.”

 

The few times when I feel joy is when I wander onto my Linkedin page and pretend to be impressed with my profile and long list of inflated achievements (no worries about ego as this momentary hubris can be immediately tempered with a visit to my online banking).

So you can imagine the feeling I get when I see new message and think this might be that fateful.. “Dear Mr Burke we have read your profile and want to offer the position of CEO… 2 day work week, 4 Month holiday.. stock options….”

Instead. “Hi Goff.. We see that you are a Veeam Professional and thought you would thrilled at 7am on a Saturday morning to shell out a lot of money for our new super duper utterly useless product”.

 

NOT…. 

😎


8 comments

Userlevel 7
Badge +21

People contacting you is always going to happen and it is getting a bit much lately.  I just ignore them.

Userlevel 7
Badge +22

I love to make fun stories out of it all. Therapy :) 

Userlevel 7
Badge +21

😆 love it!

 

My favourite one was a few weeks ago they saw my extensive experience in… compliance! Their took clearly saw “data protection” and started trying to get me a job dealing with medical recruitment compliance. 🤷‍♂️

Userlevel 7
Badge +22

“recruitment” Ah ha!! I smell Vauxhall Cross 🤐, The medical part is cover😅 Go for it work 5 years, then write a book that gets screened by some Hollywood filmmaker and make millions!!!

No one ever offers anything like that to me. Obviously my background is simply too provincially bland and run of the mill. I will stick to IT support 😂 and battling windows servers on bad days. 😮

Userlevel 7
Badge +8

So what you are saying is we should all call you Goff from now on? haha jk.

 

 

 

Userlevel 7
Badge +22

Golf.. just not goof!! 😂

Userlevel 7
Badge +6

I just politely decline any “opportunities” I’m presented with, and then when they ask if I know of anything that might be interested in a change, I refer them to @Geoff Burke.

Userlevel 7
Badge +22

I just politely decline any “opportunities” I’m presented with, and then when they ask if I know of anything that might be interested in a change, I refer them to @Geoff Burke.

I noticed I was getting more 🤣

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